stuffed under the Toyota FX which I retired due to metal fatigue, I pulled it out and noticed someone had used it to wipe their ass and looked around to see a turd

still damp enough for flies to be attractted to it.
The time window of opportunity for this burglary to happen I calculate to be on the order of 10 to 15 minutes based on the fact that I observed my roommate to pass by on his electric scooter which travels 7 mph and the distance from Jack in the Box at Appian and Dam Road where I saw and talked to him is .7 miles, which would take him 6 minutes and me to drive back at 25 mph is 3 minutes. So when I got home the perp was trapped in my back yard and had to excrete and did so taking off his shirt to wipe himself and stuffed it under the car